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wDie Gedanken von Alejandro |
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a random assortment of mind bending, thought imploding comments by yours truly
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wMonday, December 24, 2001 |
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Only at night
She's gonna dream up the world she wants to live in, she's gonna dream out loud - Zooropa by U2
There's something strange about latenight experiences, late night conversations. They take on a life of their own, they express what just never seems to come out in the daylight. Tonight just seemed to be a night of drama, and I an unwitting spectator. In the course of a few hours, I was exposed to the love dilemas of three different girls. The conversation and confusion whirled around me, and frustration ran rampant. Why does love cause such confusion? Why is it so hard? I found it irrisistable to absorb the mood. So here I am, trying in vain to sort out my mind. Love is like a whirlpool - more and more dangerous the closer you get, yet impossible to escape.
And if you look, you look through me
And if you talk, it's not to me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing - Stay (Far Away, So Close!)
This is a wonderfully meloncholy song by U2. Occasionally I get ideas for music videos and such from listening to songs. For this one, I picture a still photograph. Two pairs of people walk by each other. One person is talking to the other in the pair, and both faces are visible to the camera. The weather is cold, and the photo is in black and white. I'd like to imply with the shot that the two may be lovers, yet not know it. I heard a silly line from "The Firm" today. "I loved you before I even met you". Ahh... more cheap hollywood sentimentality. I've seen so many movies and heard so many love songs I don't even know what's real anymore.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 1:20 AM
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wSaturday, December 22, 2001 |
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I read the news today, oh boy....
I arrived home from Berkeley on Friday. It's all left behind, and I find myself feeling refreshed and joyful for being home, but already I miss Berkeley. Not so much the place itself, but the people there. I feel like I have two homes now, and no matter what I do I can't be in two places at once. Wherever I am, Mission Viejo or Berkeley, I'm both home and away. I don't particularly like the feeling. Anyway, when I got home on Friday I was the recipient of some shocking news; one of my friends from is high school is married. Not getting married, married. He was engaged for four days and then tied the knot. He's my first friend to get married. I never expected it to happen so fast, and I never expected it to be him. He's always been such a level headed guy, smart and clear thinking. What got to him? What made him want to be married, tied down, hitched, at age 20 (a year younger than me!)? Love? If that's what love is I'm going to be in for a real shock someday. Don't get me wrong, I very much want to fall in love and get married. The fal in love part I wouldn't mind happening now, but marriage? I enjoy my freedom, and I couldn't imagine throwing it away. No more hanging out with 'the group', or not as much anyway.
Marriage is a responsibility not too take lightly (like the way a lot of people do these days). A part of me doesn't want to grow up and face those kind of responsibilities. I want to go, do, and see what I like. But I guess everyone else in college wants to do that too, so that's nothing special. Even if I loved someone very much, I think I'd put off marriage for a few years. That way I could get those last few years of freedom out of my system.
I read the news today, oh boy
about a lucky man who'd made the grade
he blew his mind out in a car
he didn't notice that the lights had changed
posted by
Alex Densmore at 11:44 PM
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wTuesday, December 18, 2001 |
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Scarlet, my Dear
Like everyone else around this time of year, I tend to get a little stressed out. Stressed out that I can't figure problems out, stressed out that I'm not studying enough, and on and on. It's draining, and it doesn't help my performance at school at all. So when stress starts to get me down, I remind myself of a little tid bit of advice Rhett Butler gave Scarlet in Gone With The Wind. He told her this: a situation can either be dealt with or it's completely out of your control. If you can deal with it, stop stressing and get your butt in gear. Otherwise if you can't do anything about it, don't worry because there's nothing you can do. Now I admit this is easier said than done, but it's a good reminder and a way for me to keep things in perspective. I'm going to work hard to study for my final test, but I know I can't cover it all. I'll work hard, do what I can, and hope I've studied the right material. It's one of the principles I try to adhere to in my life, and so far it's worked out pretty well.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 5:26 PM
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wSaturday, December 15, 2001 |
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Not Again....
I got that sinking feeling in my CE130 final today. That funny feeling in the bottom of your stomach, the slow dawning of horror. I'm going to have to take this class again! I've had that feeling too many times. At least if you study hard for a final an you fail, you know that you gave it your and you can be proud of your efforts. I know I did not work hard enough in this class. I have to live with the fact that this grade does not reflect my true intelligence, but merely my willingness to work. And it obviously says that I'm not willing to work too hard. I am not respecting myself or my opportunities here at Berkeley with this kind of performance. But I say this every time I finish poorly in a class. I just hope this time I can make it stick. What I love about semesters is the chance to start over. Once again, I have the chance to do better than before. I just need to not waste that opporunity.
Dave Mathews
I've had the DMB album Everyday for a while now, but I only started really listening to it last week. The album is a bit different from his others, there's no acoustic guitar in any songs. But just like all of his other albums, it's very good. I keep coming back to his lyrics. They are well written out and thoughtful. My favorite song, Angel, I like despite myself. It's a pretty standard love song, but he puts so much emotion and heart into it you can't helping thinking 'oh how sweet....'. I try to avoid that kind of stuff, but there it is all the same. On 'Mother Father' Dave inquires like a child about the ills and ironies of this world, and I feel just the same as he does. We all ask these same child like questions, but the song gives new urgency to them. It makes these questions, though they may never be answered, are important to ask. The whole album is filled with great melodies, which is a trademark of DMB.
The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
posted by
Alex Densmore at 5:59 PM
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wTuesday, December 11, 2001 |
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The Destructiveness of Affluence
I'm reading a book for my japanese history class called "The Emptiness of Japanese Affluence". I must say, it is a very interesting and insightful book. While for much of the book the author bashes on Japan, he makes several desturbing remarks about the world economy as a whole. We (affluent nations) are simply growing at unsustainable rates. Farm land around the world is rapidly decreasing. In industialized nations this is due to the exploitation of the land for short term gain, and in the developing world it is due to the clearing of farm land for industrial purposes. If the world's population received as many calories from beef as the US, the earth would only be able to support 2.4 billion. The earth's population is just over 6 billion now.
The problem is the rest of the world wants to be like us, and the reality is it can't. Either we must relinquish some of what we have, or force the Third World to remain poor. The reality is we have already begun the latter through GATT, and the WTO. "free trade" favors rich nations. In these agreements, industrial nations exploit cheap labor and poor environmental laws. While championing the environment in their own nations, they destroy it elsewhere. We the United States lead this trend. However, not only do we exploit other nations, we do not even practice free trade. Our government offers huge subsidies to farmers to export their crops instead of flooding the domestic market. This creates a glut on the world scene, and puts third world farmers out of business.
But does this make any difference to me? Am I going to give up my In-N-Out burger? Not likely! I'm human like everyone else, and until I start feeling some drastic effects from these problems, I'm going to continue my hyper-consumer trends. I wish I could say differently. What makes me even more depressed is the politicians. No one dares speak of these things in the political level, because it's completly irrelevent to their constituents. They don't care, so the politicians don't care. But when you think about it, that's the way democracy is supposed to function. So in the end, blaming the politicians is completely unfair. We all have to look a little closer to home.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 11:34 PM
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wSunday, December 09, 2001 |
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Gasp! Not another blog on relationships!
Get ready folks! More thoughts on that silly thing all of us have to deal with. I've found one of the most difficult things about finding a relationship (if you want thoughts, frustrations, etc. about being in a relationship, you're gonna have to look elsewhere) is my expectations even before meeting people. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really want to settle on any of my expectations, as ethereal as they are. I'm not sure what I want, but I know it when I see it. But I know what I do want takes time to see, and therein lies the problem. I want to get to know someone really well before I date them. I want my girlfriend to also be my best friend in a plutonic sense too. I don't even know if those two things can coexist (a passionate loving yet also plutonic relationship). However, in getting to know someone in this sense, one is likely to fall into the 'friends' trap. After that, it becomes difficult (but certainly not impossible) to change a relationship. The balance is hard to find.
I think my not having (or ever had) a girlfriend is my own fault. Honestly, it's never bothered me too much, but it has always been a nagging thing. I've missed out on so much that other people experienced years and years ago. Now, that's not all bad, but I feel like I've got some catching up to do. Others want someone with experience, someone who understands what they're feeling and what they're going through, and I have none of that. I know I'm going to be very confused at times in a relationship.
So what will I do? Probably what I've always done; go on and live my life. In a sense I believe in fate, so I'm not too worried. God has it planned out for me, and again it comes down to that faith issue. Faith that God has a plan, and His plan is good. I hope I have the courage to follow it.
If you walk, walk away, I will follow
posted by
Alex Densmore at 2:42 AM
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wThursday, December 06, 2001 |
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Changes - Turn and face the stranger
I've come to the conclusion that I have a short attention span, and I crave changes in my life. I was thinking today about life after school, and I was horrified by the thought of stagnation. I would hate to do the same thing day after day. Not only that, but I would be meeting far fewer new people than I do right now. I enjoy all the characters I meet here at school, and I think work would be so standard and boring, completely unstimulating. If I enjoy the work it wouldn't be as bad, but I still wouldn't be meeting many new people.
This thougt led me to realize that much of what I've done for the past few years has been attempts to change my suroundings. I've gone to Europe several times as an attempt to see what's new. But as soon as I've seen it, I'm less interested. I want to move on to something else. I want to see other places now. Jeez look how spoiled I am. This blog is just a little disjointed, I guess I'll call it a thought in progress.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 9:23 PM
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wTuesday, December 04, 2001 |
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It's the time of the season for selling
Well I suppose I should put in my two cents about the whole commercialization of Christmas. Pastor Labberton spoke on it on Sunday. He made an interesting comment about the changes Christmas has gone through. Before the early 1800's, Christmas was a celebration of the birth of Christ and little else. There was an increase in charity of course, helping out those less fortunate than you, but no gift giving. That all changed with American consumerism. Christmas became more about giving gifts to family members than giving to the community. And whamo!, retailers found a gold mine. We in America sit and purposfully try to find that perfect gift that wasn't on someone's list, we purposfully look for something useless. While giving gifts to the family and friends is fun and a wonderful thing, we tend to then miss those who are less fortunate. I know I do it. So here we are now with Visa commercials about finding the perfect gift that wasn't on someone's list. I guess I'm just being a downer. Merry Christmas!
posted by
Alex Densmore at 11:28 PM
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wThursday, November 29, 2001 |
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flight
I want to fly really bad. This desire strikes me every once in a while, and it takes me over. I MUST learn to fly. It's been my overriding dream since I was a little kid. The first thing I ever wanted to be when I was little was a train operator. Don't ask me why, but it was. Once I realized that was kind of lame, I've wanted to be a pilot. I still want to be a pilot. Unfortunately because of my eyes I'll never do more than private flying, but that's good enough for me. I think now may be the time I will be able to realize my dream. I've said this to myself many times before, but I think I can do it. I have a little bit of extra money, and by the beginning of next semester I should have enough to begin. It's hard and expensive, takes more than a year to do, but is totally worth. I just can't imagine flying at dusk over the Golden Gate, all the world beneath me. What a rush. I'm so lucky I live in a time I can do something like flying. Just a hundred years ago it would have completely ridiculous.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 7:52 PM
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wWednesday, November 21, 2001 |
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Giving Thanks
It's that time of the year again, so I thought I'd just jot down a few things I'm thankful for. It helps me to clarify all the wonderful things in my life, and not take anything for granted. I think the same as always I'm most thankful for my parents. Without their help I wouldn't be able to all that I can do today. My parents are always there to support me in my trials and projects. They've helped me make the best of college, and encouraged me in my dreams. I'm thankful for all the cool friends I have, for all the times I can sit down with people and talk out the things that bug me in life, the things that excite me and the things that just make me down right confused (women!). I'm thankful for all the opportunities I have in life, especially to travel. I'm thankful that there's a band like U2 that can make such freakin' good music and put on one heck of a rock show. I'm thankful I'm loved by a God who loves me for who I am and doesn't punish me for who I'm not. I'm thankful that I will get to know Him better the longer I live my life.
SF again
I'm going to see Alcatraz today, right after class. I've wanted to see it for a long time, and now I get to go with my mom and my brother. It reminds me of 'So I Married an Axe Murderer' (which I saw for like the 10th time on Sat). Phil Hartman plays a great role as a tour guide. If you haven't seen it, go and rent it! It's one of my all time favorite movies.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 10:14 AM
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wSunday, November 18, 2001 |
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Time for a shower
I went up with Joan to the Berkeley Hills tonight to see the Leonid Meteor shower. It was beautiful, so many wonderful streaks in the sky. We met some really cool English people too that gave us a ride. They had some cider and sandwiches to share, which was wonderful because it was very cold outside and I was hungry. A great time for bonding, conversation and just a little inner reflection.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 4:14 AM
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wSaturday, November 17, 2001 |
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It's a mad, mad world
The past two days have been a whirlwind of excitment, apprehension and ecstacy. The story starts with the Student Professor Dinner Wednesday night. It went off very well, better than I had anticipated. There were enough people, professor Pello's talk was very interesting, and dinner was very tasty. I can't say what a relief that was. My work with ASME is basically done for the semester, and I focus back on my school work.
Enter: Debbie Evans. Always a catalyst of craziness in my life, our adventures these past two days proved no different. Wednesday night we sat up watching U2 videos on my computer, obsessing over anything and everything U2. I was really glad my roommates and a few of my friends got to meet her, because who she is is a lot of what I am. We don't get to see each other very often (being that she goes to UCSD), but when we do see each other it's in large, concentrated doses. This time was actually one of the smaller doses, just 2 and a half days. Thursday we went to San Francisco and did the touristy bit. We rode the cable car, went to Ghiradelli Square and visited the Exploratorium. I've lived here for over two years and I've never visited some of this stuff. It all just reminded me how much I love SF. Such great character.
EL-E-VA-TION! Friday = U2. We got to the Colisseum around 11:45, but didn't arrive at the arena until after noon. Now the security people handled this situation badly. Some people arrived by car and some by BART. The car people started a hand numbering system to figure out who arrived when. The problem was this didn't account for the people who came by BART and had to wait seperately. When access was allowed to the area next to the arena, many people got in line first who didn't have numbers, including Debbie and I. Anyways, to make a long story short people got nasty about where they were supposed to be in line, and I was very saddened by the whole scene. The crowd in Anaheim was much friendlier, and I was astounded by how quickly one could become friends with complete strangers. But onto the show. Absolutely AWESOME. This was even better than the Anaheim show, which I thought might be an impossible task. The set list was beautiful, and we had a great view from inside the heart. I don't think there are any performers on earth that can match the skill of U2. Just incredible.
But now I've got the post concert let down, and I'm running low on energy. The final stretch for the semester is still ahead of me, and my great excitement is over. Man I can't wait for Thanksgiving.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 1:09 AM
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wWednesday, November 14, 2001 |
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Relief.... kinda
This last week has been bso stressful, with midterms and the Student Professor Dinner tonight. With that done, it will be easy sailing to midterms. And that means tomorrow I'm going to the city to hang out and do the whole tourist bit. I've lived here for over two years and there's still a lot of San Francisco I haven't seen, which is a shame because I love this city (we built this city, we built this city on rock and roll.....). And then of course, there's Friday night. I get to see U2 yet again! This will be the third time on this tour alone. They are such amazing performers in addition to their incredible music. Some groups I've seen in the past (Smashing Pumpkins, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant) are really really good studio performers, but just can't reproduce their energy live. U2 is way more alive on stage performing than on a record. They give everything they have at every show.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 9:44 AM
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wFriday, November 09, 2001 |
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Living in a Movie
The other day I got my 256 megs of flash memory for my i-Paq. It's so cool to walk around campus with 60 mp3's. Tonight I was walking to Etcheverry and then further to downtown. It was really strange, because I have these giant headphones that block out all other noises. So I had these songs playing as I was walking, and I couldn't hear anything else. Everything I saw seemed to be in a movie, and my music was the soundtrack. I was just an observer, watching things happen. The feeling was exceptionally strong when I was on the bus. I saw ordinary people talking and laughing, yet couldn't hear a thing out of them. I started to get those kind of profound emotions you get when you watch a movie. It was pretty cool, but it increased my sense of isolation. It was almost like I couldn't be seen. It was a really interesting experience, but I don't think I'd want to feel that way all the time.
Next Wednesday is THE day! So much stress is relieved. The Student Professor Dinner is done, and Debbie's coming up to visit! Then Friday we all (me, James, Debbie, Joan and Christaline) go see U2! This will be my third time on the Elevation Tour, and 4th over all. I just can't get enough of seeing these guys. They are so, so talented and their music is unbelievable.
posted by
Alex Densmore at 9:27 PM
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